Meditating

Lama Yeshe is out fromScotlandtaking daily meditation sessions at Rokpa. Now I have been

thinking I have tried meditating for some years now and often are advised to ‘go meditate on

it’ when there is something I need work on, albeit a relationship that’s gone wirey or what to

make for dinner. So on Monday when I joined the first session of  ‘meditation’ I was expecting

to hear an analysed description of how it is done, kind of like a driving lesson. Lama Yeshe is a

man of many words but with simplicity, as we begin the session he says ‘its simple, relax,

be comfortable and at ease, bring your monkey mind back to the present. You dont have to do

anything. Tell yourself I am perfect. …… Right let’s meditate’. I close my eyes and begin to

hear my ‘monkey mind’, here are some of my thoughts ……

How long is this going to go on for?

I am not comfortable, I’d rather lie down.

Bring myself back, I am perfect …… I am also hungry.  Why didn’t I have a bigger breakfast its

ok I’ll eat something at the tea.  I love the teas at Rokpa especially the ‘No worries’ tea from

Australia, I hope I didn’t drop the tea bag wrapper …..

Bring myself back, oh I see purple, kind like a tunnel, its changing shape, gets bigger……

I really like the idea of not schooling my boys. How am I going to do it?

Should I move out of town, rent out my house, go back to the desert?

Is it 15 minutes?

I am perfect

Got pins and needles in my leg, ok I’ll lift up my knee and wrinkle my toes. I wonder how long

its been ……

I must be present as I’m focusing on my leg, I wonder how long it took Lama Yeshe to sit so

still for so long, my lower back aches, surely lying down must be better

(I hear someone close to me coughing), oh now I have been disturbed!

Come back monkey mind (stifle a giggle)

(I sit still, my mind is still ….. for about 1 second) ……

(I hear a child crying outside) I wonder if my son is ok at school, I ‘d much rather be with

him then be sitting here trying to keep my mind still

Come back, I am a good person

(The purple comes back and starts to expand) I am doing good, yes relax, I can do it

‘Don’t be tricked Odette, if you hear voices in your head its still your mind’ – Lama Yeshe’s

advice after I told him I see and hear things when I meditate.

But how to keep that monkey mind from jumping all over the place? And in the millisecond of

stillness I get bored! I have been running like crazy all day to get to places on time, my

thoughts changing every second and here I am struggling quietly with myself and be still!!!!

My thoughts are like my foot on the accelerator of my car, always wanting to go faster,

overtake, get there in a hurry! I try to pull them back, then think I am seeing things, another

trick of the mind? There is so much to think about, but then I realise its all distraction. My

internal home cinema has kept me occupied and entertained for years and now I am asking it

to switch off.

And in those seconds of silence, there is such peace and contentment and I know so much

more to explore. See there I go again, always waiting for something to happen. The greatness

is my silence, that place of no expectation of no planning or worrying. A place where I do not

want anything, where I am free.

After the session I ask Maia, who has practiced meditating for 10 years, how long she is present

for at a time, ‘3 minutes’ she answers. 3 minutes, after 10 years!!!! There is hope for me yet!